Girl, DON’T Humble Yourself (2023)

Wednesday Journal Entry, Week 21

Karina Lafayette – September 28th 2022

Girl, DON’T Humble Yourself (1)

Humble, by definition means, “having a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance”.

Sadly, many of us are guilty for twisting the meaning of that word in order for it to measure up to our own personal biases.

(Video) Iya Terra - Humble Yourself (Live Acoustic) | Sugarshack Sessions

Typically, the only time we hear someone tell another person to be humble, is when said person happens to be a woman of extreme confidence, or who at least, appears that way. Incel podcasts do no favors and have normalized the idea of taking a woman “down a notch”, to avoid allowing her to feel too good about herself. For example, recently on Tiktok, I came across a video where a creator was talking about how for her, being a conventially attractive woman makes it difficult to have female friendships, since other women sometimes don’t like her.

While on the surface, her statement can come across as a bit arrogant, studies have already shown that this is often the case. Women are socialized to see each other as competition, so when we perceive someone as being better or doing better than us (even if it isn’t the truth), one of our first instincts is to bully that person into submission so we can feel better about ourselves. Female friendships are complicated and it takes years of maturity to get past the need of comparing ourselves to each other.

But the issue with telling someone to be humble isn’t about physical appearance or actually wanting them to show less confidence, it’s really just the fact that some of us simply don’t want others to believe in their potential. So we try to make them feel invisible.

(Video) THIS Humble & Sick GIRL Changed her LIFE Forever 😲 TRUE STORY❗Christian Movies recaps | Story Review

When it comes to that woman on Tiktok, I scrolled through the comments, amazed at how many people were sarcastically writing things like, “good thing that won’t be an issue for you,” as if to try and make her feel less than, simply for acknowledging something about herself that chances are, people have already been saying to her all her life. But why are we so concerned with what other people think anyway? And why is it that we still consider someone attractive only when everyone else says so, but not when they feel it already? Most importantly, why does it even matter whether someone likes what they see in the mirror and says it aloud? Since it harms no one, it shouldn’t be an issue.

The common argument to the last question is that supposedly attractive people don’t know that they’re attractive- even One Direction says so in a song- but as someone who experienced emotional abuse from my mother, I really beg to differ. Physical appearance aside, telling someone from young not to see their own value isn’t only going to chip away their self-esteem, it’s dangerous. People who grew up being told to always stay humble and to keep to themselves, are also the same people who get into abusive relationships later on, and they’re the same people who don’t push toward their hopes and dreams because they already feel like a failure. We settle for partners who make us feel less than, and think it’s normal to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in giving praise or compliments. At work, if a boss gives us praise, we’ll shrug it off and act like it’s undeserved. It’s like the trope of the girl in romcoms who is oblivious to why others like her so much.

Like we get it, confidence is intimidating.

(Video) BE HUMBLE | Resist Pride In Your Life - Inspirational & Motivational Video

The other layer with wanting humbleness, is related to the Madonna-Whore Complex. It’s the idea that a woman who’s comfortable with her body and sexuality has no value, when she’s also less likely to put up with being disrespected, and has way stronger boundaries. The Madonna on the other hand, a.k.a. “wifey material”, is perfect prey because whether she’s beautiful or not, she doesn’t know anything, which means she’ll put up with being taken for granted and cheated on and will continue to settle for the bare minimum. And if I didn’t emphasize this enough, it really doesn’t matter in either scenario if the woman is attractive by conventional standards or not, it’s how she sees herself that matters.

What amazes me about telling a woman to humble herself, is that it almost always comes from a place of patriarchal expectations. After all, if a woman knows what she brings to the table, she has no issue dining without others. She has no issue saying, “thank you, next” anytime someone tries to take her down a notch just because they can’t handle her energy. I also find it interesting how anytime Lizzo, Jennifer Lopez, and every other celebrity talks about self-love and confidence, people praise them. However, if an average woman who doesn’t have the same status says the same thing, suddenly she’s labeled as arrogant. Is it really because she’s arrogant, or is it because she’s too relatable, and she reminds us of the confidence we still struggle with?

I’ll admit, sometimes I do see women who ooze confidence as a bit of a threat, but that’s not their fault. It’s pop culture and the people around who told me that her confidence can undermine how I see myself. It has nothing to do with her. She doesn’t need to change for anyone, and she certainly doesn’t have to pretend to be oblivious to her qualities, as long as she doesn’t see them as making her superior. That’s the part we miss. We think loving yourself equates feeling superior.

(Video) Tim McGraw - Humble And Kind (Official Video)

However romcoms don’t nearly examine the oblivious girl trope as well as the movie Tangled. In the movie, Rapunzel was kidnapped as a baby and raised by Mother Gothel, an evil villain who uses the magical powers of her long, flowy blonde hair in order to achieve the fountain of youth. The problem is that at first Rapunzel isn’t aware that Mother Gothel is only using her for her hair, she actually believes that Mother Gothel cares about her. Not only that, Rapunzel is also a princess, and once a year on her birthday, her birth parents release the lanterns in hopes to find her again. She’s intuitively drawn to the lanterns, and the entire movie is basically a metaphor of what happens when someone doesn’t see their own light: it allows others to control them.

Girl, DON’T Humble Yourself (2)

Until around the age of six, I had enough confidence for about ten people, that’s the beauty of being a child. You’re not old enough to give a shit. So whenever someone called me beautiful or complimented me for whatever reason, my reply would be: “I know”. If my mom was around, she wouldn’t hesitate to chirp bitterly, “You know?” And then laughed. She’d also go out of her way to pick a part my flaws just so I’d know my place around her. She was the star of the show. I don’t remember how it happened, but it seemed like almost overnight, I went from appreciating compliments to hating them. The girl who always smiled on camera, looked like she was posing for a mugshot and suddenly always wanted to stay in the background. It made me get involved in relationships with people who devalued me, ghosted me, manipulated me, and who didn’t see my worth. It took years to get my smile back, and I pity anyone who tries to take it away again.

This is why I don’t take people seriously when they insist that someone should “stay humble”. Now, does that mean we shouldn’t strive for some humility? Of course not, but a little goes a long way. If people actually knew what that word means, they wouldn’t be so hellbent on using it to erode another person’s self-esteem. They would instead look inside themselves and ask why they’re so bothered by anyone’s self-perception in the first place.

(Video) Humble Yourself | Pastor Quincy D. Griffin, Sr. | The FWPC

Wanting praise and admiration is a very normal, human thing, as long as you’re getting it in a way that’s authentic. When it comes to knowing you’re worth, that’s the icing on the cake. Despite what everyone else says, liking yourself isn’t a crime. The only crime is taking someone down a notch, just because you haven’t yet learned to appreciate your own reflection in the same way. And as the saying goes, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.”


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(Video) It's Hard to Be Humble


What do you reply when someone says you are humble? ›

Just say 'Thank you. ' That's it. Thank you is always a great reply.

How do you tell someone they need to be more humble? ›

If someone is boastful, arrogant, dismissive, tell them. “I feel it's putting down others when you talk about yourself and your accomplishments. I'd like to tell you about some of mine.” If the reactions they get are negative, they'll come to the realization on their own.

When someone says you need to humble yourself? ›

idiom. : to do or say something which shows that one knows one has been wrong, has behaved with too much pride, etc. He needs to humble himself and ask for their forgiveness.

What does don't humble yourself mean? ›

This means don't either elevate or negate yourself in respect to others; judge yourself according to your own standards, independently of the accomplishments of others. The opposite of humble is great/magnanimous (not bragging).

How do you respond to thank you flirty? ›

Flirty reply to thank you
  1. I think you're really attractive.
  2. I know a better way you can thank me.
  3. Sending you kisses.
  4. You are such a darling.
  5. Thank YOU for being gorgeous.
  6. Yes, handsome.
  7. Welcome again and again. (wink)
  8. The pleasure will be yours.
May 20, 2022

How do you humble a narcissist? ›

So if you work with a narcissist, don't try to lower their confidence. Just temper it with humility. Don't tell them they're not great. Instead, remind them that they're human, they haven't succeeded alone, and what sets the best apart is that they're always striving to get better.

Is it attractive to be humble? ›

There's been much debate about the “cheerleader effect,” the idea that men are wired to attract desirable mates by showing off in silly ways. The effect may not even exist, but if it does, they might try humility instead. New research suggests that both men and women prefer humble to less humble partners.

How do you humble yourself in a relationship? ›

10 ways to be more humble in your relationship
  1. Learn to accept advice from others.
  2. Learn to listen.
  3. Accept criticism with poise.
  4. Accept your shortcomings and admit mistakes.
  5. Be grateful for what you have, but don't rub it in.
  6. Embrace discomfort and encourage change.
  7. Show your appreciation often.
  8. Pay attention.
Sep 28, 2021

How can you tell if someone isn't humble? ›

One indication that arrogance, rather than humility, dominates is how and when people speak the real truth. People who use anger, bitterness, or feeling offended as fuel to speak the real truth are arrogant, not humble. They're more concerned for themselves than others.

Why is humility important in a relationship? ›

Thus, humility is an essential characteristic of meaningful relationships. It inspires growth within each person and nourishes our basic human need for relationships. Humility generates connection, and connection is the bedrock upon which hope, purpose, and meaning flourish.

What are examples of lack of humility? ›

Arguing when you are not right or ― when you are ― insisting stubbornly or with bad manners. Giving your opinion without being asked for it, when charity does not demand you to do so. Despising the point of view of others. Not being aware that all the gifts and qualities you have are on loan.

What do you call a person who is not humble? ›

high-and-mighty. bombastic. vainglorious. huffish. condescending.

What does it mean when someone is not humble? ›

A person who lacks humility is arrogant. It is a person who only thinks of themselves and sees themselves as higher and better than others. There is no room for an arrogant person to improve themselves because they do not recognize their flaws. A person who is not humble does not have a growth mindset.

What are 5 ways to be humble? ›

To try to cultivate humility, you may want to try one or more of these activities:
  • Spend time listening to others. ...
  • Practice mindfulness, and focus on the present. ...
  • Be grateful for what you have. ...
  • Ask for help when you need it. ...
  • Seek feedback from others on a regular basis. ...
  • Review your actions against the language of pride.

How do you innocently flirt with a girl over text? ›

How To Flirt Over Text
  1. Keep it short and sweet. As a general rule, the simpler the message, the better. ...
  2. Stay positive. Flirting, by nature, is meant to be cheerful and lighthearted — it should make you both feel like you're in high school again. ...
  3. Be complimentary.
  4. Ask a playful question.
Dec 7, 2021

What flirty questions to ask a girl? ›

Flirty Questions to Ask If You Wanna Get a Little More ~Intimate~
  • What is your love language?
  • What is your biggest turn-on?
  • Major turn-offs?
  • Do you like to make the first move?
  • Do you think you're a good kisser?
  • Who was your first crush?
  • Thoughts on cuddling?
  • How did your last relationship end?
Nov 11, 2022

What words not to say to a narcissist? ›

8 Things You Should Never Say to a Narcissist
  • Don't say, "It's not about you." ...
  • Don't say, "You're not listening." ...
  • Don't say, "Ina Garten did not get her lasagna recipe from you." ...
  • Don't say, "Do you think it might be your fault?" ...
  • Don't say, "You're being a bully." ...
  • Don't say, "Stop playing the victim."
Dec 15, 2017

How do you finally outsmart a narcissist? ›

How to Outsmart a Narcissist
  1. Separate yourself to cut off their narcissistic supply.
  2. Take time to heal.
  3. Take responsibility for your part in a conflict.
  4. React with empathy and respect.
  5. Act unresponsive around them.
  6. Disengage from their conversations.
  7. Set and enforce clear boundaries.

How do you shut down a narcissist? ›

The following are 16 key phrases to disarm a narcissist:
  1. 1. “ ...
  2. “I Can't Control How You Feel About Me” ...
  3. “I Hear What You're Saying” ...
  4. “I'm Sorry You Feel That Way” ...
  5. “Everything Is Okay” ...
  6. “We Both Have a Right to Our Own Opinions” ...
  7. “I Can Accept How You Feel” ...
  8. “I Don't Like How You're Speaking to Me so I Will not Engage”
Dec 28, 2021

Is being too humble a weakness? ›

Far from being a weakness, being authentically humble has been found to offer many powerful benefits, including improved relationships at work, better team performance, and increased overall wellbeing.

Is it weak to be humble? ›

It is often thought that humility is weakness because people see it as a lack of confidence or self-esteem. However, humility is actually a strength. It takes a strong person to be humble and to put others before themselves. True humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.

What personality type is humble? ›

What personality type is humble? People with an ISFJ personality type tend to be humble, hard-working, and enthusiastic in their behavior. They often focus on making sure a job is done perfectly and like to follow a specific approach.

How can I be humble but still confident? ›

5 Behaviors of Humble Confidence
  1. Practice Gratitude. Everyone has gifts and talents to share with others. ...
  2. Remain Grounded. Good leaders are those who stay focused and continue to cultivate strong character traits like integrity, honesty, respect, empathy, and so on. ...
  3. Welcome Feedback. ...
  4. Be Present. ...
  5. Take Risks.
Mar 31, 2022

What does humble mean in relationship? ›

Humility means accepting the truth that you are not always right, and that others have something to offer. This is an important concept to apply in dating, marriage, and most other relationships.

What does humble mean in love? ›

It is often defined as patient, kind, not envious and it doesn't keep record of right or wrong. Out of all the varying attributes of love, there is one that is often overlooked and needs to be expressed more in relationships.

How would a person with a humble attitude behave? ›

They come across as confident and polite, yet firm in their beliefs and actions. People with humility don't feel the need to boast about the things they can do. They prefer to let their actions and accomplishments speak for themselves.

Do humble people have low self-esteem? ›

Humility does not imply low self-esteem. If confidence is often faked by positive affirmations about yourself, humility is not created through negative ones. Humility is simply about focusing on the unknown rather than the known.

Can you have love without humility? ›

Love is impossible without humility. If I want to excel at love, I first need to learn to be humble; to learn to count my own joy and pleasure as less important than the joy and pleasure of someone else. Perhaps the key to love is learning to derive pleasure from someone else's pleasure.

What are three characteristics of humility? ›

ARE YOU HUMBLE PERSON? 20 Characteristics of Humble People
  • Humble people are willing to be obedient no matter what the cost.
  • Humble people care more about the rights others before themselves.
  • Humble people are servants.
  • Humble people don't care who gets the credit.
  • Humble people put others before themselves.
Feb 6, 2017

What are the three types of humility? ›

He discussed Humility as three types: intellectual, moral and personal. By breaking humility into three types the author says it might help us nurture the behavior(s) more fully in our own lives. Intellectual humility is the knowledge that no matter how smart we are, we can always learn from others.

What is a good example of being humble? ›

To be humble does not mean to have a low opinion of yourself, but rather to have an accurate one and to put your accomplishments into perspective. For example, it means acknowledging that you are smart but not all-knowing or have power but are not omnipotent.

What is negative humility? ›

What is negative humility? In some cultures, humility has a negative connotation that is associated with meekness and with not being assertive. There is also that really wrong belief that humility has something to do with being humiliated. To be humiliated means to have a loss of pride, self-​respect or dignity.

Is confident the opposite of humble? ›

Confidence is NOT the opposite of humility.

Can you be cocky and humble? ›

In reality, it's completely possible to be confident and humble at the same time, without being prideful. People who are arrogant want themselves to succeed and be better than everyone else.

Why is being humble so important? ›

Humble people are willing to see themselves accurately and appreciate feedback. Errors and mistakes provide feedback on one's own actions. So humble people see value in errors and the information that they provide for their own learning. This gives them an edge over others.

How can a girl be humble? ›

13 Habits Of Humble People
  1. They're Situationally Aware. ...
  2. They Retain Relationships. ...
  3. They Make Difficult Decisions With Ease. ...
  4. They Put Others First. ...
  5. They Listen. ...
  6. They're Curious. ...
  7. They Speak Their Minds. ...
  8. They Take Time To Say “Thank You”
Mar 1, 2015

What keeps someone humble? ›

For example, most researchers suggest that humble people have an accurate view of themselves, acknowledge their mistakes and limitations, are open to other viewpoints and ideas, keep their accomplishments and abilities in perspective, have a low self-focus, and appreciate the value of all things, including other people ...

When someone says I'm humbled? ›

When someone says "I am humbled," generally he means that he has been made to feel more modest , or perhaps undeserving. Someone who has just been given a compliment might make a polite show of modesty by saying, "I am humbled by your generosity," meaning he feels he really doesn't live up to the compliment.

What does it mean if someone calls me humble? ›

: not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive. : reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission.

What does it mean when someone says Im humble? ›

made less proud, especially by awe or admiration, or by gratitude for help received, an undeserved advantage or honor, etc.: The land is a perpetual gift; I am humbled like a stranger who is invited to dinner and fed the best food in the house.

What does it mean when someone says you are very humble? ›

A humble person is not proud and does not believe that they are better than other people. He gave a great performance, but he was very humble.

What does humbled mean in a relationship? ›

Humility means accepting the truth that you are not always right, and that others have something to offer. This is an important concept to apply in dating, marriage, and most other relationships.

What does she needs to be humbled mean? ›

to feel less important or proud because of something that has been achieved or suffered by someone else.

Does humbled mean embarrassed? ›

In both cases, the humbled person or group has been brought down to earth, or taken down a peg. They're a little bit embarrassed and a little bit subdued. The Latin root is humilis, "lowly," and literally, "on the ground." Definitions of humbled.

What are examples of not being humble? ›

Examples of false humility include deflecting praise we truly deserve, fishing for compliments to draw attention to ourselves, “humble-bragging” (talking about how humble we are), falsely portraying helplessness or a lack of power, and self-deprecating humor.

What is the opposite of humble? ›


1, 2 proud. 3 noble, exalted. 4 rude, insolent. 6 elevate, exalt.

What kind of person is a humble? ›

A humble person does not flaunt their wealth, status, accomplishments, or anything else they may have. They are modest and often embarrassed by praise. Instead of being proud of themselves, a humble person will be happy for others who deserve the credit.

How can I be humble and confident? ›

5 Behaviors of Humble Confidence
  1. Practice Gratitude. Everyone has gifts and talents to share with others. ...
  2. Remain Grounded. Good leaders are those who stay focused and continue to cultivate strong character traits like integrity, honesty, respect, empathy, and so on. ...
  3. Welcome Feedback. ...
  4. Be Present. ...
  5. Take Risks.
Mar 31, 2022

How do I humble myself? ›

  1. Thank God often and always. Thankfulness stops pride growing. ...
  2. Confess your sins regularly. Confession is a reality check as it reminds us who we are. ...
  3. Be ready to accept humiliations. ...
  4. Don't worry about status. ...
  5. Have a sense of humour. ...
  6. Listen to others. ...
  7. Ask questions. ...
  8. Consider others before yourself.
Apr 5, 2018


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